It’s Friday! Instead of doing a Ten Happy Things this week, I’m going to make some lists about the number one best thing in my entire life…Oliver.
Don’t worry, this isn’t going to turn into a dog blog. Hopefully.
Things I call my dog other than his name:
- Sweet Potato
- Wiggle butt
- Mister Wiggles
- Handsome boy
- Mister Handsome
- Little face
- Little feet
- Big ears
Commands Oliver knows and percentage of time he obeys them (approximate):
- STOP, 100%
- SIT plus treat, 100%. Minus treat, or minus feigning treat: 50%
- COME, 80%
- STAY, 80%. If I am leaving the room, 30%
- QUIET (non-verbal), 75%. For longer than ten seconds, 30%
- BREAKFAST/DINNER, 100%
- BED (non-verbal), 90% at night, 20% if I’m leaving the house during the day (panic ensues)
- UP (on bed or couch, etc), 100% before 8pm. After 8pm, 0% (must be picked up & carried)
- OUT, 90%. If raining, 0%
- HIGH FIVE, 100%
Things I do with Oliver that I swore I’d never do to a pet:
- Use silly voices to talk to him.
- Alternately, talk to him like he’s a college professor.
- Make up songs about him (including one where he’s a pirate).
- Buy clothes for him (including a raincoat, because he hates getting wet SO MUCH).
- Kiss him on the face, but not on the mouth because that’s gross.
Things my dog will eat, surprisingly:
- Plain greek yogurt (prescribed for an upset stomach, now LOVES it).
- Romaine lettuce.
- Heartworm medication.
- Goose shit.
- Scrambled eggs.
- Pasta noodles.
Things my dog will not TOUCH, no way no how don’t even think about it:
- Raw chicken.
- Raw meat of any kind, actually.
- Anything flavoured with peanut butter.
- Bacon, or anything bacon-flavoured.
Things I have learned about dogs since having one that nobody ever tells you about:
- There’s a reason people take their dogs to groomers.
- Dogs have gross habits and no sense of self-preservation.
- Squeaky toys get annoying after about three hours.
- Dogs imitate other dogs. ie: the other day, Oliver tried to Beagle-howl. It was adorably misguided.
- Training isn’t just for the dog, it’s for the owner too.
- Training is more than “don’t chew my shoes.” SO MUCH MORE.
- Dogs don’t just bark. They have a very big vocabulary, even mostly silent pups like Oliver.
- They can also scream and hiccup. The latter is adorable.
- No matter what medicine you use, your dog WILL get the occasional tick.
- Ticks are DISGUSTING.
- Cats aren’t the only animals that stare at nothing and freak out at it.
- Cats also aren’t the only ritual-obsessed animals in the domestic kingdom.
- Dogs would rather make a nest out of the tshirt you wore than sleep on their memory foam bed.
- You will learn so much patience.
- You will have sleepless nights.
- It’s totally awesome.
Oliver is so great. Why I haven’t had a dog all along, I’ll never know.
Happy weekend! Am I the only person who gets really psyched for May? It just feels like summer is right around the corner, you know? It’s the best.