Halloween 2011: The Halloweeniest!

Happy slightly belated Halloween, everyone! I hope you had an altogether ooky Halloweekend. I did; In fact, I’m pretty sure that 2011 goes down in history as the BEST HALLOWEEN EVER. And guess what? I have photographic proof!

It’s been a long-ass time since I’ve been Out. Most of this is because I’m terribly busy and important, but also because as a result of my busy and important life, I’m kind of too scared to leave the house sometimes? Anyway. Charlotte and I made plans to do something, in public, for Halloween weekend. And so I pulled on my big girl pants (which are apparently bright green skinny jeans, FYI) and away we went.

And not that I’m bragging…okay, I’m bragging. Our costumes were kiiiiiind of amazing.

I was Hipster Ariel, and…

…Charlotte was Hipster Ursula.
(Oreo was dressed as Sebastian for a minute.)

We looked REALLY good.

Here’s Lorelei doing Tom’s makeup at Greg’s apartment. Debonair’s 5-year anniversary called for a special show and so spandex bodysuits were purchased and a supergroup was formed.

Here’s Greg, who we were calling Gestapo Dad around this time last year, looking very scary with his skeleton face on. He actually got scarier later, but it had nothing to do with his makeup.

As she was skulifying Greg’s face, Lorelei said “I wish we had some wine. White wine. Wouldn’t that be perfect?” And LO AND BEHOLD, A HALLOWEEN MIRACLE.

She asked the universe for it, and it appeared. The Secret is real!
(Also my glasses in combination with the wig and the headband were giving me a murderous headache. I was finding that drinking made it hurt less, which probably should have been a warning.)

Hard lovin’, straight thuggin’.

And then we went to Debonair to finish show preparation and eat pizza.

And Elias told us stories about his VD guardian angel.

So as you can see, the dudes were wearing spandex skeleton suits. This meant that up close, one could see a lot of wang outline. This was totally hilarious, of course, because it’s not often you get to see your friend’s dicks. Greg’s package was especially visible for some reason and he kept threatening us with it. I realise that sounds weird, but it was actually really fucking funny.

Lor made Chadwick look like Ian Curtis. The final effect was super eerie, she did a fantastic job.

And then it was showtime.

Char made groupie signs for us to hold up. Greg’s banana boner is still getting picked on (no it’s-kind-of-a-reach-pun intended).

My friends are such babes.

Even when we’re doing things like this…


And this.
To be fair, we were drinking mimosas out of pint glasses by this point. As I mentioned, I found that booze made the tension headache from my costume go away. Not to mention the yawning emotional abyss threatening to open up inside me, inside us all, at any given moment. So…Hooray for bottle service!

Pizza and Dead Gaddafi. Totally amazing costumes.

Did I mention the drinks? Because they were instrumental in things starting to happen.

Things like me photobombing an otherwise cute picture of Crystal.

Things like Charlotte trying to undress Lorelei.

Things like Mike stealing sunglasses from dead dictators.

Things like me shakin’ mah wig so hard that I lost my headband.

And also things like kidnapping a complete stranger and making him hang out with us for the rest of the night. Sorry Dave! We want to be your friends, but not in a Stockholm Syndrome-type way!

Also, do you know one of the reasons I love Lorelei so much?

Because she will always, always dance with me. Even at Flatiron, which isn’t really a dancey bar. She also picks me up when I lose my balance on my tall shoes and fall on my ass.

Mat wore Crystal’s pizza hat. And then told me that I had ladyhands, which was both lovely and confusing.

Anyway, long story short, we closed down two bars and then went to Greg’s place for the after-afterparty. It was fantastic; we had our kidnapped boy, some Taylor Swift and most importantly…

We had pizza cooked for us BY pizza that was wearing a pizza hat.
Tell me that isn’t the best thing you’ve ever seen. I bet you can’t.

After that, we obviously couldn’t improve on the evening so we went home. And also it was 6am. Because AWESOME, that’s why!

The next day, we spent a full 24 hours lying on couches, eating caramel apples and watching Halloween movies. It was pretty much the best way to deal with a hangover that may have actually been a very lingering drunk EVER.

We’re all REALLY over caramel apples now, by the way.

I also decided to be a total creep and take sneaky pictures of Char and Lorelei, then send them as picture messages with captions like “I’m watching you!” Because ugh, I’m a treat I guess? Then we all started texting each other, even though we were right there, because…oh god, I don’t even know. It was the apples. The apples made us do it!

Look at all that sugar. TELL ME that wouldn’t make you loopy.

So, do I even have to say it? This was the best Halloween ever. Even when we were standing in the back room of a bar with pizza ovens behind us (pizza was really a motif of the night, now that I think about it) and dirty mopwater to the right, I couldn’t have been any happier. Because I was out with my best friends, having a blast and wearing a wig.

What more can you ask for, right? Damn right.


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