Living every week like it’s SHARK WEEK

In the beginning, there was the fin and the teeth. Then there was the word, and the word was good.

Then came a wise man unto us, and he bringeth the word and he broughteth us from the benthic waters of doubt and into the warm tropical oceans OF TRUTH.

His words were the way and the light. Behold:

This week we celebrate the High Holy Holiday of Shark Week. Amen.

ANNNND SCENE.

That’s right. It’s officially SHARK WEEK on Discovery Channel, and I am beyond excited. This year’s lineup looks pretty solid; Jaws Comes Home was very good last night, and I’m looking forward to How Sharks Hunt and Shark City. Air Jaws, of course, remains a classic.

I’ve been obsessed with sharks since I was a little girl, and as an adult I’m still absolutely, passionately in love. So what does it mean to live every week like it’s Shark Week? Check out a small sample of the stuff around my house:

Blurriness is charming, right? DON’T JUDGE MY ARTISTIC CHOICES. This book is ancient. I begged Mama Malice to buy it for me when I was seven. She was pleased that I was reading things other than straight-up textbooks, but then had to listen to my VERY GRAPHIC descriptions of shark attacks for weeks on end.

I bought this guy in Hawaii. I was eight and I really appreciated the colours. Not a whole lot has changed.

Fancy a shark candle? Of course you do, you have a soul!

How about a cuddly Hammerhead? He guards my books. Yes, that includes a copy of Twilight. JEALOUS?

SHOW ME YOUR TEEF.

You might think Hammerhead is the cuddliest shark ever, right? WRONG, he’s not even the cuddliest shark IN A TEN-FOOT RADIUS. Because check this dude out:

Meet the Great White Bodypillow.

His name is John Locke and he helps me write blog posts. I have to keep him away from my toy Okapi named Ben Linus, for obvious LOST-related reasons.

Just in case you needed some perspective, John Locke is like five feet long. Bigger is always better when it comes to sharks and marshmallows.

Shark necklace by Alex+Chloe.

Minishark keeps my keys safe from Teeny Tiny Octopus with his shiny silver teeth…

…And really, really bright red light. Just like a real Tiger shark!

You might remember these guys; the Great White Slippers I love so much. Warm as hell and supercute. You might not remember my pasty legs, though? Silly you.

But Alle, I imagine you’re saying. Slippers and toys are okay, but is it possible to show your love of sharks sartorially?
Oh. You bet.

Could it be?

You know they are.

MOTHERTRUCKIN’ SHARK PANTS.
I take it you’re all dying of jealousy right now? It’s understandable, they are clearly the greatest pants ever photographed.
Also pictured: American Apparel dress hitched up and worn as shirt, extremely painful sunburn and tanlines, hair unwashed for five straight days, hairtie by Chanel.

Watch out, stylebloggers! I’m coming for you!

But Alle, you say again, is there any way to make shark pants EVEN MORE AWESOME? Maybe by adding something to the upper body region?

You’re damn right there is!

And I hardly even had to mug a seven-year old boy to get it!

Prepare to have your face melted off by the sheer awesomeness of…

SHARK SHIRT. OH THAT’S RIGHT.
Said shark shirt features thirteen different types of shark, all of which were labelled at some point, probably so that I could do some science while wearing it.

And as you can see, John Locke snuck into the pictures. I let him, of course.

Nobody tells him what he can’t do.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, I hope that you enjoy this most important of holidays. May you carry the spirit of Shark Week in your heart all the year through and, yes, live every week like it’s Shark Week.

John Locke commands it.

6 thoughts on “Living every week like it’s SHARK WEEK

  1. Alle dear, I admire your dedication! I have dedication like that, but not for sharks I’m afraid. I have dedication like that for LEGO. I am on the verge of joining PALS (Perth Adult Lego Society) and also have a light up key ring… of a Lego man 🙂 I have a glass cabinet full of completed LEGO (my swarovski had to move over for this to happen) and am trying to chase down a very rare working carousel that is no longer in production. We all have our little obsessions! Loves you too xxx

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