I’ve never been terribly interested in porn.
It’s not because I have a moral objection (I don’t). It’s not because I don’t know where it is (everywhere). It’s not because I’m embarrassed (yeah right). It’s because porn in general just doesn’t do it for me.
At least half of the problem is caused by my brain’s wiring. I don’t get swept up in fantasy very easily, for one thing, and I tend to be very detail oriented, for another. This means that I’m sitting around thinking “Hmm. Why doesn’t that girl just take off her bra rather than pulling the cups down and leaving it there like a picture frame?” instead of getting a ladyboner.
The other problem is that the majority of porn is not made for me, a straight girl. What’s hot to the average heterosexual male isn’t hot to me, and neither is the creepy “visual erotica” usually marketed to women or couples. I also find very few mainstream pornstars attractive, especially the dudes, and so why would I want to watch them have sex?
When Rachel talked to me about this project, I thought “Maybe I’ve been wrong in my almost universal dismissal of porn.” So for LadyPorn Day, I did research. A LOT of research. I have seen more porn in the last couple of weeks than in my entire life up to this point. I was looking for stuff that was hot, stuff that didn’t squick me out or make me laugh hysterically, and to be honest I’m still looking. Here are some things that I learned along the way:
1. I don’t feel awkward talking about porn.
Like, at all. With anyone. I do feel awkward when guys take that the wrong way and suggest that they’d like to act it out with me, but whatever. A good dead-eyed stare usually gets rid of them.
2. There is a lot of it out there, but it’s not all good.
Whatever you’re into, someone else out there is taking pictures and making videos of it. The internet has made us a democratic people of porn. No sex act is too strange, no fetish unfetishised. I spent about an hour trying to invent a totally non-commodified fetish (“smoking balloon girls” is a thing, it turns out) and all I managed was “lunchbox porn.” I don’t even know what that could be, so come on people! Get on it!
However, not all the porn is good. That’s a problem if you’re looking to get off, but it’s a blessing if you’re looking for a laugh.
3. Naked dudes love chatroulette; naked girls love tumblr.
It seems like guys are very into the video medium–they just loooove posting wanking videos–while girls are more into photographs. Is this a thing?
4. The human body is really amazing.
I am totally, utterly amazed at how differently human beings are built. In mainstream porn these differences are minimised; all women are very thin with huge boobs and dudes have big wangs and usually some unfortunate tattoos. But everywhere else, you really get an idea of how much difference is in the world. The ways that musculature shows through skin. The bones you can see or not see. How every boob, butt, wang and vagina is totally different (I was most surprised by the variety in labia, I seriously had no idea).
I’ve always said that the thing I find most sexually appealing about men is how different they are–how their hands, chests, hips, legs are so totally unlike mine. After closely investigating this in porn, I kind of think this is what’s best about everyone, in or out of a sexual context. We’re all really different.
5. Gay porn.
In hetero dude-oriented porn, the viewer is meant to identify with the male porn star. The viewer is the OWNER of the onscreen penis, he is not meant to get aroused by it. As a straight girl, I don’t want to use the penis I don’t have to bone another chick, so that’s out. I also don’t identify with the girls in any porn videos. The vaginas onscreen are not MY vagina. The sex that those girls have might work for the camera, but I don’t think it would be much fun in real life. I can’t disconnect from that.
Dude on dude action is good. Very little talking, all sexy throw-down, fewer bad tattoos and better faces & bodies. Plus, condoms. Safer sex is always good.
I am not a gay man, and so I’m also not exactly the target audience of gay porn. I’m not identifying with the penis that I don’t have and boning a dude. But I do find gay pornstars more visually appealing, which makes it easier to ogle them. Maybe I mean objectify? Whatever.
6. People have really strong feelings about porn.
It’s very polarising! Porn is wonderful/terrible, and it’s saving the world/destroying it completely. I come down on the “porn is fine” side and, although I understand some of the more logical anti-porn arguments, I can’t support them. For performers, as long as everyone is healthy, of age and consenting, WORK IT OUT. For viewers, as long as they understand that porn isn’t real life, again, WORK IT OUT. I understand that everyone thinks that there’s only one way to live and it’s theirs, but it isn’t. I think that people would be a lot happier if they worried less about how other people are having orgasms & focused more on having some themselves.
So this is what I’ve learned as I continue my straight girl porn journey. Who knows what I’m going to find?
Check out all of the LadyPorn Day goodness at its home on Rabbit Write.
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