The State of the Unicorn: 2011

The other night was the State of the Union address, and while I know that it was probably very important, Star Trek: TNG was on TV. For four hours. I have my priorities.

And let’s be real, political speeches are boring. Let’s summarise: Shit is fucked up. It won’t be fucked up forever. I’m Barack Obama and I’m awesome. Keep calm and carry on, nation. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go ride my jetski that’s powered by the laughter of children. PEACE.

But then I thought about it and was like, wait! This is an excellent opportunity for me to talk about some important changes to my life and this blog, which is ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME THING. So in order to capitalise on our nation’s political traditions, I am calling it…

2011

My fellow internet trolls,

Some of you might have noticed that this site has been taking prolonged naps, and by “naps” I mean “crashing totally or taking forever to load, goddammit.” This is because the traffic to this blog has increased, like, ten times since September. Which is awesome! But it also means that stuff has to change, and you know how I feel about change (generally not very good).

So the blog is getting an in-depth overhaul and rebuild. When it’s all done, it will be better than it was before…stronger…faster. I’m half excited and half overwhelmed, because I’ve decided to do the entire project myself. This means a crash course in CSS and brushing up on the graphic design skillz that have been left to atrophy since my college days. On top of this gigantic project, throw in an unfinished book and the fact that I’ve never been busier professionally, and you have a recipe for fourteen hour work days, hardly any sleep and the DARKEST UNDEREYE CIRCLES KNOWN TO MAN.

What I’m saying is that in order to prevent me from having a complete nervous breakdown, these improvements might take a minute to implement. And that sometime soon, things might start looking weird or not working or vanishing altogether; rest assured that I am on top of that shit. Unless I’m not. In which case you’ll probably be able to hear the cursing from your living room as I try to figure out what line of code I fucked up.

The Adventures of Alle: Hopefully looking pretty before the world ends in 2012! And say what you like, but the ancient Mayans knew about reasonable deadlines. TAKE NOTE, WORLD. YOU ARE KILLING ME SOFTLY.

Everything else is great, and the things that aren’t fine haven’t gotten any worse. So things are either awesome or in a holding pattern of minimal suck. That’s about as much as anyone can ask for. Keep calm and carry on, internets. I’m going to go and eat delicious cakes cuddle puppies with diamond-studded collars answer emails for the next six million years.

Like I said, killing me softly.

PEACE. Loves you!

One thought on “The State of the Unicorn: 2011

  1. Sorry dude but I believe I may own the darkest eye circles known to man. Fact.

    Can’t wait to see the changes. I have the entire SERIES of TNG lined up for my reserve next month. Almost makes it worthwhile. ALMOST…

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