Hey guys, what’s up, I went to New York and it was basically the best thing that’s ever happened in the history of history. Now I know I hyperbolise a lot, but I REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME.
This post has about a million pictures in it, so if you have a slow internet connection or a boss who objects to pictures of statuary, they’re behind the jump. Meanwhile, here’s a picture of me flippin’ my hair while working. And by working, I mean “working.” And by “working,” I mean singing along to Taylor Swift. DON’T JUDGE ME.
Okay. PICTURES AHOY!
One beautiful Saturday morning in Chicago…
I aimed my feet east and flew here.The weather change was torturous; seventy degrees and sunny in late September? WHO DOES THAT?
On the plane, I very rebelliously took some drugs which gave me crazy eyes (pictured) and mild hallucinations (not pictured).Dramamine, HEYYYY!
I lapsed into a coma for the entire flight. The reason my eyes are so starey and glassy is because it was taking every ounce of effort in my body to keep them open for the three seconds it took to take this photo.
Once I got to Manhattan, I quickly established myself at home base…
And went out to see the world.
Okay, that’s better.
I saw buildings…
Seriously. Like a metric fuckton of buildings.
I saw vicious wild animals…
I gazed lovingly at statuary…
And got way, WAY too excited about rocks in Central Park.
(I watched a documentary on them. Don’t even judge.)
Speaking of Central Park…
I went to enjoy the quiet comforts of nature.
Because this? In the middle of the biggest, baddest city imaginable?
Pretty much amazing.
But. I wandered into the nature preserve near the boathouse…
And I couldn’t find my way out for four hours.
By the time I found my way out, I was at W96th and had blisters the size of tennis balls on both my heels. I then steeled myself for the lonnnng walk back down to 43rd. But then I saw this & it made me laugh for a solid ten minutes.Sorry dudes, he totally was not. Good try, though.
I also ate food…
And saw friends…
With whom I was a charming and elegant lady…
And even though I had a teaspoon on my nose for like ten minutes, I still found myself infinitely hipper than the hippest hipsters in all of Williamsburg. Score one for Wicker Park!
I also got high at 30 Rock…
Like really, REALLY high…
Like 60 stories high.
So high that it started playing weird, Inception-y tricks on my eyes.
To calm down I stared at some shiny objects…
The crystal wall and chandelier could only do so much.
But that’s life. Right, Liz Lemon?RIGHT!
But most importantly, I got to hang out with my Dad for a whole week.
My Dad is the person most like me in the world, and I’m pretty sure that means he’s a Vulcan. But a Vulcan with a really good sense of humour and who gives the best hugs ever.
And eyes that are green and yellow, just like mine.
I really love my Dad. Not in the least because he doesn’t get upset when his weird daughter has SOMEHOW tracked blood all throughout the apartment. Where did it come from? She has no idea!
Sidebar: I was willing to chalk the bloody footprints up to one of those weird things that happens; maybe I had a cut somewhere that I didn’t notice, whatever. Until the same thing happened yesterday. What is going on? Am I cutting myself by accident and not feeling it and bleeding everywhere? Am I killing people in my sleep? The world may never know!
But I haven’t even gotten to the really awesome story yet. Because on my last day in New York, something happened which CHANGED MY LIFE. The full story and all the pictures you can handle, coming tomorrow!
STAY TUNED! EXCLAMATION POINTS! CAPS LOCK!