Bright Lights, Big City

(This should make sense soon, I promise.)

Dear everyone in Blog World, thankyou so much for the birthday wishes. Generally mushiness goes against my programming, but I can honestly say that I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have so many people who love me. I’d give you all big kisses on the mouth if I could.

Okay, that’s a lie. I’m particular about physical contact. Maybe a brisk handshake instead.

Anyway. Saturday was my birthday and I am now a mature and elegant lady of 26. I’m sure that I probably have more feelings about the passage of time and where my life is and whatnot, but dude, there are more pressing matters to attend to.

I may have mentioned that I am not exactly what you’d call a risk-taker. I’m cautious, a planner, someone who needs to know exactly how things are going to be BEFORE I do them and who refuses to do anything unless I have at least six contingency plans for if-slash-when things go wrong. That’s the kind of girl I am.

But it’s not entirely the kind of girl I want to be.

I want to be able to take chances sometimes. I want to be able to relinquish control of my emotions, just a little. I want to feel swept away by something. I want to jump in without thinking and do something spontaneous, or failing that, do things that I’ve never done before and have no way of knowing how they’re going to turn out.

This year I have done exactly three of those things, and weirdly enough all three of them have involved the state of Ohio. But I think that I can do better than that.

My father is in the country on business. On Sunday he invited me to New York for a weekend: a place that I have never been and where I know maybe five people. He’d be working most of the time, but I could stay at his apartment in Manhattan, we could have dinner and I could explore the city on my own.

The cautious girl, the planner, had a panic attack at this prospect. By MYSELF? In a STRANGE CITY? What if I get LOST? If I get lost, I will never find my way home and I WILL DIE. Not to mention WORK. I can’t bail on WORK. PEOPLE NEED ME. PEOPLE NEED ME ALL THE TIME.

In short, I was kind of scared.

But it didn’t stop me.

Less than twenty-four after the initial conversation, I had booked a Saturday flight to NYC; return date TBA. I’m going to take as long as I like to really explore a new place. This has all happened so fast and I have so much to do before I leave; I feel dizzy and nauseous but in a really good way because HOLY SHIT, I’m taking chances. I’m jumping in and doing something big. I’m excited about the unknown, not dreading it, because I cannot wait to meet this city. I think New York and I are going to really get along.

This is happening. I’m doing things. I’m making myself change, and I think I really like it.

See you on the East Coast, darlings.


2 thoughts on “Bright Lights, Big City

  1. Great post! And that mantra is a good one. Usually I just have to do things before my mind catches up & scares me, but lately I just tell myself very sternly “You can do this” and then, voila! I do.
    Thanks for sharing your blog, I really enjoyed it. That ride looks scary as all get-out.


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