The shut-in starter kit: Ridiculous reasons to stay home

(Futurama is the best show ever & I will fight you if you disagree)

Dear (please circle one) Friend/Aspiring date/Creepnasty/Frenemy,

I am unable to go out with you tonight/tomorrow night/Friday/Saturday because:

  • My hair is doing something weird.
  • I’d have to put on pants.
  • I’ve only eaten popcorn today.
  • I went on a spirit journey.
  • I cut my arm open on the medicine cabinet.
  • I was hit by a bottle.
  • I’m going to play fetch with a junkyard dog.
  • I’m sewing plush squids.
  • I have a paper crane emergency.
  • Too much coffee.
  • Erika’s dogs will start running a prostitution ring out of the guest room if I leave.
  • My hands seem like they’re on the wrong wrists.
  • I have the hiccups.
  • I’m having emotions.
  • My whole LIFE hurts.
  • I’m thinking about colours.
  • I’m reading Wikipedia.
  • Star Trek is on.

Regards,
A.M.

They may sound made up, but these are all real circumstances that have prohibited me from leaving the house in the past. Love means never having to say your sorry? Pfft. Love means accepting “I scraped three layers of skin off my shins with a pumice stone in the shower” as a legitimate excuse for not going out.

Loves you!

3 thoughts on “The shut-in starter kit: Ridiculous reasons to stay home

Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s