It’s been a minute since I’ve written any kind of list. It’s also been a minute since I’ve revealed myself as the weirdo that I am, so why not go ahead and kill two birds with one stone?
Things Most People Have Probably Already Learned By Now, But Which I Am Just Figuring Out:
1. You can make all the “right” decisions, but things can still turn out badly.
I am forever running a mental commentary about the choices I make, because I am OBSESSED with doing the right thing. “The right thing,” as it turns out, is uniquely difficult for me to figure out sometimes, which makes me upset. I feel like one wrong move, one bad choice and I’ll end up dead, or dying, or a crazy cat lady living under a log. Because of this, I tend to not take a lot of chances. But I’m seeing now that ALL risks aren’t necessarily bad things. Women who marry lawyers, buy houses in the suburbs and have two-point-three kids can still end up divorced and miserable. You can stack the deck in your favour, but most things in life still come down to chance and I’m okay with that. My odds are no worse than anyone else’s.
2. Emotions are okay.
After a series of significant betrayals last years, I think I swung a leeeeeetle too far in the “emotions are bad, trust no-one” direction. But lately it’s been like the hard concrete shell around my heart is breaking and little green shoots are poking through the cracks. Or at least that’s what it looks like in my head. And believe me, it has SUCKED sometimes. Because the bad feelings? The ones like anger and insecurity and crippling low-grade depression? And LONELINESS? And MISSING? Holy shit! I forgot the actual physical sensations that came along with those, and all I can say is UGH. But at the same time, the goods are so good that I’ll take the bads. Just hook me up with that “insanely happy” shit, okay? A girl could get used to that.
3. Being drunk doesn’t help.
I’m not an alcoholic or anything, but there are certain times where one could really think “A drink or six would really improve this situation.” Please see: First dates, meeting the President, seeing someone you REALLY DON’T WANT TO SEE at a bar. A stiff shot of tequila might buck you up, but ten shots of Drano-grade whiskey will not buck anything in any direction. It just makes you do shit you’d never normally do, and seriously, it’s what you’d normally do for a damn good reason.
4. Revenge is a bad idea. A really, really, really bad idea.
This is crazily hard for me, because my instinct has ALWAYS been to fight battles to the end. Kill every soldier, burn their corpses, then nuke the battleground just for good measure. And I seriously wish that I could say that interpersonal drama and the need to get revenge ends after high school, but it doesn’t. The incidents get more spread out, but it’s more painful and more damaging when it happens. All you can do is know that you are better than that shit, whatever that shit is. Hitting back is never solves anything, it just fuels your ego, and in the long run it can create waaaaay more problems than you realise. Fight the urge. It’s for the best.
5. Don’t engage crazy.
This one comes from my friend Oscar (Oskie!) and I have to say, it’s fantastic. If there’s a crazy person in your life and they’re causing you problems, don’t engage: Get away by whatever means necessary. Crazy doesn’t listen to reason. Crazy doesn’t respond to a rational argument. Crazy only knows what it wants, and it’s going to do or say anything to get it. Back away. Slowly.
This weekend is Zombieaster, when we celebrate the day that Jesus rose from the dead…TO EAT BRAAAAINS. Bad taste, I know, but I have to make this joke now so that I don’t accidentally make it at lunch. In addition to stuffing myself with chocolate eggs and ham, I’ll also be getting an x-ray on my left leg. Apparently what I thought was just a standard bump-n-bruise may actually be a fracture, and believe me, if it turns out that I’ve been walking around for a month with a broken leg I AM GOING TO BE SO ANGRY. Modern life, man. It’s so weird.