The Weekend That Was: immature birds, Grace Coddington and honky-tonk, OH MY!

Reading: The Mysterious Stranger, Mark Twain.
Listening to:
La Roux, Florence & The Machine.
White miso soup.
Thinking about: Fall in Chicago. It’s upon us, guys.

Hello darlings! How was your weekend? Mine was pretty fantastic. Oh yes. Don’t believe me? Check it out.

Saturday was an odd day. I’m not the best when it comes to mending fences, but I am big enough to say “I really fucked up and I’m sorry” when, you know, I really fucked up and I’m sorry. I said that on Saturday and I meant it. I just wish it didn’t take being bullied, lied about and excommunicated to get me to see where I went wrong.

Sunday day was pretty quiet. One of my birthday presents was all six seasons of The Powerpuff Girls on dvd, so I curled up under a blanket and watched Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup do their thing.

Sunday night, I put on my all-black finery and met up with Charlotte and Erika at Exit. A couple dudes we know have a country night there called Honky Tanked–hi Kyle and Harrison!–and I’ve been saying I’d go for about six months now, so it was time that I actually went. Country’s not really my thing, but cheap drinks and my friends ARE, so I was pretty happy.

tankedzoo01-polaAya and Charlotte bustin’ a move. Aya is totally awesome; she made this incredibly delicious banana pudding and brought it to the bar. Char and I destroyed that shit. We ate it straight out of the tupperware with our fingers; that’s how yummy it was.

tankedzoo05-polaWe slow-danced to Patsy Cline. And by “slow danced” I clearly mean “spun around, drunk, in six-inch heels and tried not to fall.” It was so romantic. Some other girls started dancing after we did, to which I said “They want to be us. They CAN’T,” which was bitchy but extremely true. Char laughed for about a hundred years.

tankedzoo06-polaHere is Kyle, and Kyle’s nerd glasses which I gave him endless shit about but secretly LOVE. He’s gone back to Peoria now which is sad times, but will be back again because it’s soooo much more awesome in Chicago. Hear that, Morrison? Get back here!

tankedzoo07-polaErika arrived at Exit in dramatic fashion; blaring her car horn at me while I was outside and yelling “HEY GIRL!” I had to reassure the people I was standing with that I did, in fact, know her and I wasn’t a hooker or something.

Other highlights of the night include making a roomful of new friends, having my ass grabbed–with both hands–instead of the culprit just saying “hello,” killing them with kindness, high kicks, working the imaginary stripper pole, “for the love of GOD DO NOT FINISH THAT SENTENCE,” low-grade flirting, discoveries, assorted fuckery and awesomeness. Totally rad night; thanks guys.

On Monday, two girls woke up with hangovers. Could it have been the Jager, they wondered as they got dressed and ready to go and see The September Issue. But because the gears were grinding extremely slow that morning, Alle and Erika missed their intended showing and dealt with their disappointment by going to Lincoln Park Zoo. As you do. When you’re fucking six.

tankedzoo13-polaThis is a picture designed to remind Erika how awesome Chicago really is. Where else can you find a French-style garden, a giant statue of William Shakespeare, a greenhouse and a FREE ZOO, all right along the lake? Nowhere. Especially not in Lansing. Don’t play me, girl. Come back soon and stay with me; bring your dogs.

tankedzoo11-polaI demonstrated my creepy power over the koi in the Conservatory while Erika told me a hilarious story. The last time she was there, she and her friend saw a school group leaving and the teacher talking to a very grumpy looking child. The child was saying “I don’t want to SEE no more animals…I don’t want to HEAR about no more animals…I don’t want to LEARN about no more animals…” and this became the joke for the rest of the day.

tankedzoo14-polaI don’t want to SEE no more bears…I don’t want to HEAR about no more bears…

tankedzoo15-polaSee what’s happening south of my waist? Fuck YEAH, sequinned leggings and five inch heels! It’s totally appropriate to wear this kind of stuff on a Monday afternoon.

Okay guys, this might be my new favourite animal:

tankedzoo17-polaIt’s called a Klipspringer. It’s a tiny antelope THAT WALKS ON ITS TIPTOES.

tankedzoo18-polaCan you say ADORABLE? Here’s the Wikipedia page for some better pictures. We spent twenty minutes standing around and waiting for this little dude to do some running and jumping. Erika kept asking if she could do his nails. I wanted to know where he gets his pointe shoes from.

We went to the bird house and, of course, shit got real. We were minding our own business, walking through the open-air cage, when I was swooped by a tropical bird. Of course. I swear, that feathered jerk got within two inches of my face. Here’s a picture of the admittedly gorgeous culprit.

tankedzoo23-polaThe best, though, was Erika’s reaction to the attack. Shaking her head and totally deadpan, she said “That bird has some growing up to do.” A-men.

Around this time our hangovers started getting the best of us, but I wasn’t ready to leave just yet. “Want to go to the reptile and small mammal house?” I asked. Erika sighed. “Haven’t we spent ENOUGH TIME with reptiles lately?” After I was done with my fits of laughter, I told her that didn’t really make much sense. “I pretty much always never make much sense,” she said. This is why I love her.

tankedzoo26-polaA Sandcat being super-sneaky. Tell me you don’t want to reach into your computer screen and grab this guy for cuddles right now. Oh right, you can’t, because he is PRECIOUS.

After ooh-ing and aah-ing over the Sandcat for a minute, we had to leave. I was so thirsty I probably would have drank a puddle, so we went to Potbellys for some yummy, greasy sandwiches. I made Erika laugh til she cried, which was pretty awesome, until she informed me that she was actually crying because she’d eaten cheese. Yeah yeah yeah. Don’t believe it.

We went to see The September Issue. It was phenomenal. I’ll write more about the movie at a later date, but can I just say that Grace Coddington is my new hero. Sorry, Anna Wintour.

Planet Unicorn made frequent appearances in the in-movie chatter…
“There are a lot of feathers in this movie.”
“Yeah, I’m going to have to start giving it up for Feathers.”

And after the movie…
“Oh come on, like YOU’VE never given it up for Feathers!”

Now altogether everyone: I don’t want to SEE no more feathers…

All in all, a totally awesome weekend. I leave you with a photo of some seriously sparkly legs.


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