I’ve had lots of serious thoughts floating around in my head for the last seven days or so. I’ve written them down and they’re all very well articulated and erudite, but then I realised oh wait, that’s not what you guys want to read! Enjoy the following ridonkulous lists!
Awesome Google Searches People Have Done This Week And Found This Very Blog:
- Cher-Strong Enough
- Goofy shark
- Awesome bangs
- Sexy Cher
- I’m a girl drag queen (I LOVE YOU, WHOEVER YOU ARE)
Searches People Have Done (And Found This Very Blog) That Make Me Think I Might Have A Problem:
- Princess drunk
Kind Of Weird Google Searches People Have Done, Blah Blah Blah, I Feel A Little Uncomfortable Right Now:
- Tied up princess picture
Things It Has Been Hard To Do This Week With Only Nine Fingers:
- Wash my hair
- Bandage my broken toe
- Chop vegetables
- Text message (ugh)
- EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD
Other Injuries Sustained This Week:
- Broken toe (compression break)
- Jacked in the mouth (playing Wii tennis)
- Bruised hips (um…)
Shit That’s Made Me So Mad, I’ve Actually Had To Leave The House And Stomp (Gingerly) Around Outside:
- The murder of Dr. Tiller.
- The fucking whiny-ass response from Pro-Life assholes.
- The closure of his clinic.
- The fact that there are now only TWO doctors in the ENTIRE COUNTRY who will perform partial-birth abortions.
- That their personal information has recently been made public, thus putting their lives in danger from gun-toting maniacs.
Hilarious People Spotted At Flatiron The Other Night:
- Dude dressed entirely in green lycra, including a hood that covered his entire face. This distressed me to the point where I thought I’d have to leave, no joke. I think this fear is in the same family as my claustrophobia.
- Dude who looked exactly like that American Idol dude, Glambert.
- Chick in tiny handkerchief-cut top which tied in the back, clearly under the misapprehension that it’s 1999.
- Group of girls clearly from the suburbs, staring wide-eyed at the shaggy unwashed masses.
Presents Lindsay And I Took Frog Yesterday:
Presents We Would Have Accepted From Frog In Return:
- Bunnies holding icecream and cuddling PUPPIES!
Presents We Actually Recieved From Frog:
- Fuck-all nothing. Thanks, dude.
Things I’m Drinking Right Now:
- Fat Tire beer
Why I Think That’s Funny:
- Currently also have FAT LIP (re: Wii tennis injury)